Fuzzy Childhood Memories VIII

These gruesome stories about mangled and ripped out testicles are making me have painful flashbacks to my first ever memory of getting hit directly in the balls. Now, I'm sure every man on Earth can hearken back to that dreadful day when time seemed to stand still, when the whole world seemed to come to an abrupt and tragic end all because his junk took a direct hit. It's probably one of the main reasons Einstein devised his atomic theory, because he himself had his 'atoms' split at one time or another. All I'm saying, is that I will never ever forget.

Okay, so here is the blow by blow of how it all went down. Recess, 1st grade, the daily kickball game, I was positioned in the outfield. The fat kid in class was up to kick and you just knew that if he got his weight behind it that the ball would go pretty far. So, there I was, the last defender and I had no idea how far this kid was going to kick the ball. If I had known, this would be a totally different 'fuzzy memory' all together.

Anyway, this kid kicks the ball and I could tell right off the bat that I was toast, I mean he really got into it. So immediately the ball gets past me, so I'm chasing with all my might, just focused on ball and tracking it down before it got to be a homerun. I finally reach the ball and as soon as I am able to grasp it, still carrying the momentum of an all out sprint, I look up and realize that I am on a collision course with the monkey bars. I tried applying the brakes, but my Zipps just wouldn't hold up as I crashed nuts first into the pole.

At that point, I think I blacked out momentarily from the pain and agony, I thought I was going to puke right before dying. After what seemed like an eternity, the pain finally subsided and the paralysis slowly faded. I don't remember crying, I think I was too stunned, but all I know is that it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me at that point in my life. Even now, after numerous shots to the groin, over the course of many years, the fear has never went away from that first time on the playground in 1st grade. Like I said, I will never forget.


Artist rendition of that faithful day on the playground in 1st grade.