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Fuzzy Childhood Memories XIII

Enough with the crappy music, It's been a while since I've really posted anything. Fuzzy memories come and go, and they had been running dry for a while, but one has been sticking out recently and with my brother just starting his blog, it sort of inspired me...and yes, he is the main character in this one. Here it is, a fresh installment...

The Turds in the Hall

It was probably around 1985 or '86, I was 9 or 10 and my brother was about 6 or 7 years old. As always, the minor details are sketchy. I can't recall, but I'm fairly sure that it was during the Summer months and most likely on a Saturday. So my brother and I are just lounging around on the floor in the living room watching TV, cartoons probably, not really speaking to each other, just focused intently on the tube. It seemed like hours, we just sat there and stared, except occasionally we had to bang on the TV to get the picture back working.

On a side note, our TV was pretty crappy, it was one of those old school picture-tube consoles, it weighed so much that if it tipped over on top of one of us, we would surely be riding the short bus for the rest of our lives only if we survived, which was not likely. Another thing about the TV was that the picture would constantly go out. Sometimes you could fix it by banging on the top of it, but that didn't always work, so we had to do something we learned from watching our dad. It probably wasn't the safest thing for a kid to do, but it was worth the risk to get our cartoons back on the air. Our dad had loosened the back panel of the TV and he could fix the picture by reaching inside the back of the TV while it was still on and jiggle this aluminum box inside and the picture would come back. Without a concern for getting electrocuted, we would mindlessly reach our tiny hands inside this massive TV and grab a metal box and jiggle it and like magic, we were watching toons again, no big deal.

Anyway, back to the main story. So, we're just sitting there watching TV for a long time and I believe it was a commercial break when I barely even noticed my brother get up and take off running into the other room. He didn't say a word and in a matter of minutes he was back beside me watching the show. Probably about 15 minutes or so pass before the next break and I decide to go take a leak. This is when I notice something is not quite right. As soon as I step foot in the hallway, I notice a trail of turds leading to the bathroom, this was unacceptable. My brother had pulled his pants all the way down while running to the bathroom and his bowels let loose, spitting little turds here and there, two lay in the hallway, several on the bathroom floor, and even one on the toilet seat. I don't even think the dude wiped because there was one lonesome turd still left in the toilet, which was devoid of TP and I know he did not flush. Well, I certainly could not let this stand, so I summoned our mom to come investigate the scene. I don't think she was too pleased, I mean it's disgusting. I know he was only 6 or 7, but he should have known better. I was hoping for some justice, hoping that he would have to pick each turd up with his bare hand and scrub the floors clean, but he just gets off with a minor tongue lashing and gets to go about his business. This obviously had no affect on him whatsoever, because not too long after that, the same scenario occurred. I don't recall it happening again, I still wouldn't put it past him, especially if 'Fraggle Rock' came on and he had to choose between taking a dump and missing a precious minute of watching Dozers ride around. He loved that show, to me the original 'Muppets' were way better.

My brother loved Dozers as much as taking a dump on the floor (Probably still does):

Cinnamon Bone Crunch

A couple hours ago, you could have asked me what my favorite cereal in the whole world was and I would have replied, 'Cinnamon Toast Crunch!', without hesitation. Now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to stomach it again.

Here's the deal. I was a little over halfway done with my morning bowl, not really paying all that much attention, just watching TV, the normal routine, when I noticed a big chunk of something in my bowl that wasn't supposed to be there. At first, I thought it was a piece of wood, but upon further examination, it appeared to be a chunk of bone, but from what, I don't know. All I know is that it was not whole grain, cinnamon, or sugar, all the good things that make up Cinnamon Toast Crunch. At this point, I'm feeling sick to my stomach and I proceeded to wash my mouth out with half a bottle of Listerine.

So, I regain my composure and decide to call the number on the box to report this incident. General Mills, 1-800-328-1144 option 4, ring, ring, ring...I tell the customer service lady exactly what happened and that I found something that appears to be bone in my Toast Crunch. She must have thought I was a moron because she said that it could not possibly be bone, because bone is not an ingredient of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I'm like, no kidding? Then she tells me that it is probably just a lump of cinnamon and sugar that is all clumped together, so I say, no it's more like bone. So, she says, 'okay, we'll send you a free coupon and an envelope to mail the chunk back to them so they can see for themselves.'

Gee thanks, a coupon, whoopidy doo! Do you really think I'm going to be eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch anytime soon?

Check out the pictures...

Fuzzy Childhood Memories XII

Stool sample, anyone?

I'm sure most have heard the expression, "Kids say the darndest things." Well, kids eat the darndest things too. I remember growing up when my brother and sister were toddlers, those suckers were like vacuum cleaners. My sister's favorite meal was a stick of butter while my brother preferred mayonaise sandwiches. Luckily they grew out of that phase as well as the phase of eating inedible objects, although the paint chips might have done some permanent damage...Just kidding.

I think I remember my sister eating loose change and maybe even a nail. Probably the oddest thing she ever ingested was a decal off the 'General Lee', my brother's 'Dukes of Hazzard', toy car. My mom would always freak out and then we would have to play the waiting game. It was like a Cracker Jack box of fecal matter, my mom would have to search through some vile stuff just to make sure everything came out allright. I could tell my mom was relieved to see the 'stars and bars' of the 'General Lee' in a heaping pile of pooh. It was one of the nastiest things I think I have ever witnessed.

I guess kids are going to always put things in their mouths that they shouldn't and if you are a good parent you will probably find yourself poking turds with a stick at some point looking for those things. It seems that its just a fact of life.

What's New?

It's been quite a few months since I've been here in the blog world and I guess a few things have changed. I just moved...Got a place of my own and I guess I've been busy with all that comes with it. It seems like I see the delivery guys from Rooms to Go every other day. It would be nice if they could get an order right or ship stuff that is not broken, but I guess that's too much to ask. I'm slowing adjusting to being broke, but it's going to take some time.

In other news, it's been pretty hot around these parts, over 100 degrees here in Raleighwood. I guess it really didn't seem that bad to me, but my rearview mirror fell off because the adhesive holding in on melted. Now my mirror just dangles and annoys me. I think the heat also screwed up my windshield wipers 'cause they only seem to work when it's not raining. That is not awesome. I also have an empty protein jug in the back of my truck and it just likes to bang around. Don't know why I haven't gotten rid of it, but it's still there, a momento if you will.

I started going to a new gym since I've moved. It's okay I guess, I just found that I really don't like working out, but for some reason I still go. They have baskeball courts, which is cool although I haven't really played. It is funny to hear the trash talkin' and the fights. They had to call the cops a couple of weeks ago because some kid got offended because he couldn't handle the rock and got called a homo or something to that effect and a minor scuffle broke out. I don't know, I just show up there and stuff happens. I'm just going through the motions, you can't really call that getting in shape.

Softball season is getting ready to start. Did I tell you that I really hate softball? Yep, I really do. Growing up as a kid, I loved playing baseball. I still love baseball, although I don't like watching all that much, but I'd still love to play. I always had a dream of playing in the bigs. I even tried out for the Brewers a couple of summers ago as a last ditch effort. I guess that's where the dream kinda fizzled. At least I gave it a shot, all-be-it a long shot. Now I'm religated to the Apex city fall league, slow pitch softball...whoopty doo. Might as well be playing shuffle board, I'm sure it would be just as much fun and a lot less of risk of taking one to the ball-sack. Well, if you want to be bored out of your mind, come out to Apex and watch a game or two, or you can just a wait a couple of years and they'll probably have a reality show about it...Oh the drama.

Other than that, I guess things haven't really changed all that much. Hopefully I'll be able to post more entries now, but I don't know, just playing it by ear.

Here are some pictures of inside the house...

Movie Review: The Ring 2

This is the funniest movie I've seen in a long time...No lie. This movie is chocked full of hilarity. I thought this was supposed to be a psycho-suspense, super scary, thriller, but it's actually a genius comedy. If you can remember back to the first 'Ring', Rachel, a reporter living in Seattle with her little boy, Aidan, discover a video tape where the people who watch it mysteriously die seven days after they watch it. Anyway, Rachel is forced to unravel the mystery of the tape in order to save Aidan. She discovers that the tape is linked to a little girl, Samara, who appears to be related to Gollum from 'The Lord of the Rings', although they didn't trace her family tree back that far. Rachel (Naomi Watts) finds that Samara was adopted and to make a long, boring story short, her step mother killed her by throwing her down a well, but somehow the little girl's evil spirit is kept alive in this low quality video tape...Funny stuff, right? Well, Rachel, finally figures out how to save herself and Aidan by making a copy of the tape, yeah, it's stupid, happily ever after and all that crap, because you knew there would be a sequel.

That brings us to 'The Ring 2'. It starts off with a couple of high school kids where this guy is trying to get this girl he was with to watch this 'freaky' video with him. At this point, I'm thinking porno, but no, the video just happens to be the copy of the ring video from the first movie. Who could have guessed that? Of course this all takes place in Astoria, Washington, which just so happens to be where Rachel and Aidan moved to leave their past behind them and start a new life. Rachel is working for a local news agency in Astoria when she learns of the death of the high school student who had viewed the tape. She investigates the strange occurrence. She sneaks into the ambulance to view the dead body, to see the face of the dead student. This provides the first moment of comic relief of the the film as the audience gets to see the face, which is all jacked up, but it's funny because it looks just like Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' painting. So, at this point, Rachel realizes that Samara is back on the loose and starts freakin' out. First she obtains the tape and burns it with gasoline...The end, right? Unfortunately for everyone watching this nonsense, no. Samara ends up possessing Aidan at some kind of county fair while he goes into the restroom, presumably to drop a deuce. Once Samara's spirit is inside of Aidan, more weirdness ensues, which brings us to the funniest part of the movie...It's classic. The kid starts creepin' out these massive deer on the drive home through the woods and they start attacking the car, charging it and smashing all the windows out. The deer, which are obviously computer generated, oddly give up and leave. You just have to question, 'Why deer?', I mean, they (the film makers) could have used bears, cougars, or wolves, but I personally think Sasquatch would have been classic in this situation. The deer were funny though. Well, for me, the movie went downhill from this point on, and I lost interest. There was only one more Edvard Munch-Scream-face the rest of the way and Rachel ends up figuring everything out as usual, just like 'Scooby Doo' except not as suspenseful or as cool as Shaggy and the gang, although she is nice to look at. Now I'll admit that if the movie had cast the kid from 'Jerry McGuire' as Aidan then I would definitely watch it again and again, but I don't think I will waste time and money on anything this stupid again.

Fuzzy Childhood Memories XI

Childhood Influences
The impact of media and pop-culture on children today is far different from when I was growing up. It was all about 'The Dukes of Hazzard', the 'A-team', and Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' Album. 'Knight Rider' and 'The Incredible Hulk' were staples of a kid's TV watching diet. The huge satellite dish in the back yard picked up all kinds of signals, scrambled or unscrambled, that were things that kids really shouldn't be watching. We had fake, candy cigarettes and cap guns that looked real. We had yard darts, which was sort of like natural selection of the 1980s. We rode bikes and skateboards with no helmets or pads, in cars with no seatbelts, or in the back of pickups. We were living on the edge, rebels without a clue. It's not that parents cared less about kids back then than they do now, I don't know, things were just different. How many kids today wear clothes that their mother made? I know I wore my share of homemade 'jamz', the short-pants of choice back in the day. Man, we were a bunch of retards, but life was good. As a kid, you're bombarded with all these things, but ultimately it's the parents who are the most influential.

The Collected Wit and Wisdom of Julius Hodge

A collection of quotes from NC State's very own Julius Hodge...
http://www4.ncsu.edu/~jphollow/julius.html