This is the funniest movie I've seen in a long time...No lie. This movie is chocked full of hilarity. I thought this was supposed to be a psycho-suspense, super scary, thriller, but it's actually a genius comedy. If you can remember back to the first 'Ring', Rachel, a reporter living in Seattle with her little boy, Aidan, discover a video tape where the people who watch it mysteriously die seven days after they watch it. Anyway, Rachel is forced to unravel the mystery of the tape in order to save Aidan. She discovers that the tape is linked to a little girl, Samara, who appears to be related to Gollum from 'The Lord of the Rings', although they didn't trace her family tree back that far. Rachel (Naomi Watts) finds that Samara was adopted and to make a long, boring story short, her step mother killed her by throwing her down a well, but somehow the little girl's evil spirit is kept alive in this low quality video tape...Funny stuff, right? Well, Rachel, finally figures out how to save herself and Aidan by making a copy of the tape, yeah, it's stupid, happily ever after and all that crap, because you knew there would be a sequel.
That brings us to 'The Ring 2'. It starts off with a couple of high school kids where this guy is trying to get this girl he was with to watch this 'freaky' video with him. At this point, I'm thinking porno, but no, the video just happens to be the copy of the ring video from the first movie. Who could have guessed that? Of course this all takes place in Astoria, Washington, which just so happens to be where Rachel and Aidan moved to leave their past behind them and start a new life. Rachel is working for a local news agency in Astoria when she learns of the death of the high school student who had viewed the tape. She investigates the strange occurrence. She sneaks into the ambulance to view the dead body, to see the face of the dead student. This provides the first moment of comic relief of the the film as the audience gets to see the face, which is all jacked up, but it's funny because it looks just like Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' painting. So, at this point, Rachel realizes that Samara is back on the loose and starts freakin' out. First she obtains the tape and burns it with gasoline...The end, right? Unfortunately for everyone watching this nonsense, no. Samara ends up possessing Aidan at some kind of county fair while he goes into the restroom, presumably to drop a deuce. Once Samara's spirit is inside of Aidan, more weirdness ensues, which brings us to the funniest part of the movie...It's classic. The kid starts creepin' out these massive deer on the drive home through the woods and they start attacking the car, charging it and smashing all the windows out. The deer, which are obviously computer generated, oddly give up and leave. You just have to question, 'Why deer?', I mean, they (the film makers) could have used bears, cougars, or wolves, but I personally think Sasquatch would have been classic in this situation. The deer were funny though. Well, for me, the movie went downhill from this point on, and I lost interest. There was only one more Edvard Munch-Scream-face the rest of the way and Rachel ends up figuring everything out as usual, just like 'Scooby Doo' except not as suspenseful or as cool as Shaggy and the gang, although she is nice to look at. Now I'll admit that if the movie had cast the kid from 'Jerry McGuire' as Aidan then I would definitely watch it again and again, but I don't think I will waste time and money on anything this stupid again.
Childhood InfluencesThe impact of media and pop-culture on children today is far different from when I was growing up. It was all about 'The Dukes of Hazzard', the 'A-team', and Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' Album. 'Knight Rider' and 'The Incredible Hulk' were staples of a kid's TV watching diet. The huge satellite dish in the back yard picked up all kinds of signals, scrambled or unscrambled, that were things that kids really shouldn't be watching. We had fake, candy cigarettes and cap guns that looked real. We had yard darts, which was sort of like natural selection of the 1980s. We rode bikes and skateboards with no helmets or pads, in cars with no seatbelts, or in the back of pickups. We were living on the edge, rebels without a clue. It's not that parents cared less about kids back then than they do now, I don't know, things were just different. How many kids today wear clothes that their mother made? I know I wore my share of homemade 'jamz', the short-pants of choice back in the day. Man, we were a bunch of retards, but life was good. As a kid, you're bombarded with all these things, but ultimately it's the parents who are the most influential.
Boy, my predictions for the tournament were terrible, probably one of my worst brackets ever. It would be nice to have my $6 back that I spent on tournament pools because a number 2 combo at Taco Bell sounds pretty good about now, only I'm short of cash. There is always next year, I guess. After the first weekend of games and seeing most of the teams play, I can take a shot at the teams that will make it to the Final 4, based on how they have played in the first two games. I'm sticking with Illinois in the Chicago region. Louisville has really impressed out of the Albuquerque region. Of course, in the Syracuse region, the Tar Heels appear to be playing the best, and finally, the Austin region, probably the toughest call, but I really feel that Utah has a great shot to make it. Illinois over UNC for the championship is my prediction. So, these four teams should feel really nervous, because I'm wrong most of the time. That's why they play the games and that's why I watch, because no one really knows what is going to happen, it's great.
Pissing Contest
From previous 'Fuzzy Childhood Memories' posts, you'll recall how I spent a lot of time at my grandparents' house along with my brother and two cousins. I just now remember having actual pissing contests along the banks of the creek that ran through the backyard. We would always see who could pee, not the farthest, but the highest. My cousin could pee probably over 6 or 7 feet high, nobody that I knew could top that. Maybe it was the huge wart on his penis, I don't know. So, I guess it really wasn't a contest, but just something to do for amusement...Amusement that is until the accident. I don't know how it happened, I just remember the trauma that ensued. The details are sketchy at best, I just remember walking around the corner of my grandpa's shed when all of the sudden I was drilled in the face with my cousin's urine stream...It was horrible. My favorite baseball cap was ruined and I proceeded to run to the house and immediately wash my face off with as much soap as possible. I was actually washing my own mouth out with soap, oh the irony. My mom didn't believe that my cousin could have possibly urinated in my face, despite my proclamations. She was finally convinced when I showed her my yellow baseball cap with a vivid pee stain across the bill. She was obviously stunned, but her laughter didn't help the way I was feeling, I was extremely 'pissed' off, or on, whichever way you want to look at it, I was not happy. So, I guess that's where the story ends, no more pissing contests for me. I would advise against them if at all possible.
How many people out there have heard stories from your friends that are so wrong, but it still made snot-bubbles shoot straight out your nose? I know I have. It's the kind of stories that make you feel bad that you actually laugh at them, but you just can't help it. I guess politically incorrect stuff has always struck my funny bone. All it took was one look at my best friend while watching a video about starving kids in Africa and we both would lose it. Not because it was funny, I really can't explain why. Of course we would get in trouble for stuff like that...It was the 'gifted' class and for some reason, we would always bust out laughing at the wrong time. My friend was always the one who got into trouble even though we were both to blame. The teacher was African-American and I guess because my friend was also African-American that he expected a little bit more from him and thus he received the brunt of the censures.I guess you'll run across something every now and then that will make you cry because you laugh so hard. It's like watching 'Sponge Bob' for the first time ever with a drunken friend and it's 3:00 AM. Other things that I've seen at 3:00 AM with the same drunken friend include the Discovery Channel showing clips of Gorillas eating their own feces as well as the ultimate in gut splitting entertainment, the penis-gourd tribe of Papua New Guinea. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at anything in my life. These mugs attach gourds to their penises and chase wild boars with spears through the rain forest. I don't know of anyone who could watch that with a straight face, you'd have to be a robot or something. Penis gourd tribesman, not a bad idea for a Halloween costume, I'll have to keep that in mind.
Penis Gourd DudeWhether it's a story of a retarded kid with a huge penis hanging out of his biker shorts or that same retarded kid being sloshed around in a port-a-john, you know it's wrong, but you have to chuckle. There are so many things in this world that are not funny, but when you happen to laugh at those things, you question what's wrong with yourself. I know I have and I still haven't figured it out, but that might take billions in research. I'm open to donations, so feel free.
